http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zp-1XfItSQQ

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All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal – The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now…the wax. Read on……….

My night began as any other normal weeknight. Fix dinner, watch the grand kids come and go.

I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: ‘Maybe I should get the waxing kit from the medicine cabinet.

So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom.

It was one of those ‘cold wax’ kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be?

I mean, I’m not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!) So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together.

Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. (‘Cold wax,’ yeah…right!)

I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull.

It works!

OK, so it wasn’t the best feeling, but it wasn’t too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me!

I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.

With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the family, I sneak back into the bathroom for the ultimate hair fighting championship.

I drop my granny panties and place one foot on the toilet..

Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (it was a long strip).

I inhale deeply and brace myself…. RRRRIIIPPP!!!!

I’m blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!….. OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!!
Vision returning, I notice that I’ve only managed to pull off half the strip.

CRAP!

Another deep breath and RIPP! Everything is spinning and spotted.

I think I may pass out…. I must stay conscious… I must stay conscious.

Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe…. OK, back to normal.

I want to see my trophy – a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair.

I hold up the strip!

There’s no hair on it.

Where is the hair???

WHERE IS THE WAX???

Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet.

I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip… it’s not!

I touch.. I am touching wax.

I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair.

Then I make the next BIG mistake … remember my foot is still propped upon the toilet? So I put my foot down.

Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut. Sealed shut!
I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself ‘Please don’t let me get the urge to poop� My head may pop off!’

What can I do to melt the wax?

Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I’ll run the hottest water I can stand in the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right ???

*WRONG!!!!!!!*

I get in the tub – the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment – I sit.

Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub…. in scalding hot water.

Which, by the way, does not melt cold wax.

So, now I’m stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cemented myself to the porcelain!!

God bless the AT&T man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!

I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It’s a very good conversation starter.

‘So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!’

There is a slight pause. She doesn’t know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me.

She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, ‘Are we talking cheeks or hoo-ha?’

She’s laughing out loud by now … I can hear her.

I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.

YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else’s night.

While we go through various solutions, I resort to trying to scrape the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better than to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!!

By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I’m pretty sure I’m going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.

My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace…..the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax.

What do I really have to lose at this point?

I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!! The scream probably woke the family and scared the dickens out of my friend.

It’s sooo painful, but I really don’t care.

‘IT WORKS!!

I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up.
I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair….THE HAIR IS STILL THERE…….ALL OF IT!

So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I’m numb by now. Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point.

Next week I’m going to try hair color……how bad can that turn out???

Whose woods these are I think I know;
His house is in the village, though.
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound’s the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep
But I have promises to keep
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

You really have been the key, Sander – and always will be.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wzv7OtPL8S4

You Are – Pearl Jam

This broken wheel is coming undone
And the road’s exploding
But you’re keeping me strong
Rolling along with you,…

Love is a tower
And you’re the key
Leading me higher
When you let me in

Keeping us close,… so close
On down the line

Sometimes I burn like a dot on the sun
With no one knowing
But you’re keeping me strong
Moving along with you

You are a tower of
Strength to me
The darkening hour
Sees light again… again

Ooh wah… ooh wah… ooh wah… ooh wah… ooh wah…
You are… you are… you are… you are… you are…

Love is a tower
Of strength to me
I am the shoreline
But you’re the sea.. the sea

You are, you are, you are, you are, you…
You are, you are

How I’m spending the holidays!!! hahaha  I’m thinking Riesling, or maybe the complete opposite and a Sauvignon Blanc.  2-4 bottles should cover both days quite nicely

Time flies when you are busy! I just moved, and hopefully will get back to cooking and creating recipes once the holidays are over. Until then…..

I’ll be making some Peppermint Bark candy this weekend and The Best Sugar Cookies ever.

A few more holiday treat recipes to entice you:

Cream Cheese Spritz Cookies (Spritzgeback) – Simple and easy recipe

Easy Cherry Almond White Chocolate Fudge – wosa yummy

Crunchy Nutella Hazelnut Chocolate Bars – these are like heaven in your mouth

Peanut Butter Fudge – A childhood favorite — When I make these, I have to give 3/4 away, or I’ll eat it all

Cranberry-Orange Pecan Bread – this is just amazingly lovely

Roosamanna (Semolina Pudding) – A great Estonian pudding and one I will make for Christmas Eve

Again.

July 2006, May 2007, May 2009, and now December 2012.

I’ve graduated from 420 square feet in 2006 to 500 in 2007 to 550 in 2009 to 1100 in 2012.  I am finally feeling like I’ve got my feet under me and, even if I don’t know what direction I will take, I’m on even ground now.  I fully expect there to be ups and downs, but life is so much better than it was in 2006 or even 2009, or for that matter, 2011.

Apartment in 2006 – You can see it all – and how small it was.  In this picture, I’m standing at the front door.  The wall with bookcases to the left is one side of the apartment.  The wall with the desk is the other side of the apartment.  Weirdly, I have almost the same furniture I did then, with a few additional pieces collected since.  Oh, and you aren’t seeing things — the floor and ceiling were.. warped.

Apartment 2007-2009 – The “futon” I slept on filled the room.  The living room was smaller than this room.

Apartment 3 – 2009 to 2012. I was so happy to have a living room that could actually allow for *some* company. Of course, 3 people in one room filled the room to capacity..hah. Living in this apartment, I met Christine, Robert and Gina (pictured here — Gina is hiding, apparently), as well as Laurie and Jim. All my BFF’s.

Apartment 3 – 2009 to 2012.  Painting here has always been a challenge. I had to come up with some creative solutions, but I made it work and enjoyed it so much.

Apartment 3 – 2009 to 2012. In 2012, I bought a King Sized bed — and it quite literally filled my bedroom. I didn’t care — after 6 years of sleeping on a twin, then a futon, then a child sized full sized bed, I was more than ready for the king – best sleep I’ve had in years.

Apartment 3 – 2009 to 2012. - Two boys and their toys filled my living room

Living in this “Apartment 3″ has had incredible benefits for me.  First and foremost, I think I finally physically healed.  And secondly, I think I mentally healed.  It has been an ordeal — divorce, loss of friends due to the divorce, loss of family due to their own insane reasons, and the crazy job market.  But since moving here in 2009, I found new friends who have become incredibly important in my life.  I’ve connected with some old friends.  I’ve got a decent job, a great son, a crazy cat, a man who adores me , and two best friends who would do anything for me, and I them.

Life has been good, and can only get better.

Drum roll….

And now…

Apartment 4 – 2012… Huge huge living room!!!!

Apt 4 – What?? Yes — it’s a dining room!! Wooties

Apt 4 – Kitchen – day of moving in.  Lookie — there is space for painting!!

Apt 4 – Kitchen – day of moving in – stove is sitting in the middle of the room (it stayed there for a couple of days), as the counter top is 1/8′th inch too narrow!!  But there is space on the left there for all my paining stuff!!!

Apt 4 – A place for paints. Finally.

I have breathing room.

I have painting room.

I have room to have more than 3 extra people in the apartment and not feel overwhelmed.

I have an entire space to live in, and not around.  I seriously am looking forward to spending quite a few years here.  I have no plans, other than to keep living this life the best I can, with people around me that I care about.

It really has become a good life.